Not all MEN!

Welcome back readers!

This is my second blog and I am already feeling the kind of responsibility that must be dealt with when one attempts to express personal views which are open for anyone and everyone to read.

I want it to be known, loud and clear, that though as a personal experience I find myself caught in the muddle of patriarchal setup because I am a woman, despite that, my criticism pertains to the set mindset and not a specific gender. This is because I completely acknowledge that the scales of balance aren't justifyingly tilted to any particular gender. As the deficiency is problematic, so is the excess!

Source : PNGitem

Since the very conception of the idea what patriarchy means and how it stifles my life in ways more than one, I have simultaneously believed that it is not just the females who are on the receiving end. Even the males have been troubled with the excessive expectations.

It must be noted that this blog in no way suggests or undermines the existence of gender multiplicity, and the reference to males is for everyone who might identify themselves as one. The prime objective here is to clearly call out the hardships inflicted in any way on people - emotionally, financially, psychologically or otherwise - because they are identified as being a "man" in the current sociological setup.

Now, talking about men, in my life, I have come across number of men as part of my family, friends, classmates, colleagues or basically the social circle I have grown up into. All that I mention here has been drawn as an inference from such interactions. The kind of primary traits that they possess have been quite diverse, to say the least. As an individual, there is so much more to them than the simple sociological descriptive words associated to men like - capable, athletic, scientific-tempered, breadwinner, phlegmatic and so on under the ambit of patriarchal understanding of a man.

It is true that generally the society instills a sense of being a "man" in a child so early on that the child is snatched away from his right to self-determine how he wants to be as a "man". "Boys don't cry!", "Be man enough!", "Are you even a man if you cry?", "Stop being a girl!" are some examples of the phrases we come across almost on a daily basis without paying attention to the fact that these comments are building a sense of anxiety in the person regarding his basic human instinct - to feel. Somehow, the narrative is that the responsibility to nurture emotions is on females and to keep the other aspects in check are the tasks of a male and the two must not entangle. There is a total absence of the understanding that the masculinity and femininity can exist in variable proportions within a single human body and in no way will it undermine the gender identity of that person, whatsoever.

Of course, there are some men who are quite consumed in their inherently masculine existence and the perks of being one in a patriarchal setup, that they don't find anything wrong in pushing others to be "more manly". In their vicinity, they work to re-establish the fading orthodox distinctions in the duties of people which are defined based on their gender under patriarchy. In fact, such men are the reasons why a lot of hate gets vented towards the male community from the deprived sections of the society.

But, it is unfair to over-generalize that all men are the same. I have known men who are really sensitive, who understand other's needs, who enjoy being carefree and friendly, who have ample of emotions brimming but who are forced to keep a mask-up of male chauvinism and present a strong front before everyone just so as to preserve their social image of a MAN. 

To quote a recent example, there was a healthy discussion going on among my peers regarding prevalence of dowry despite it being a social evil, to which a man responded that though he accepts that the demand for dowry isn't ethical, he might still take it because otherwise the society would assume that something is messed up in him or he lacks some basic attribute of manliness as perceived in the society!

There are endless issues that crop up in the society because of this flawed mindset. 

It is a well-observed fact that most men are expected to build a proper career as they must be the providers of the family, irrespective of the situation where their partners or other caregivers might be able to take care of the financial needs and provide the leeway to them to follow their own creative endeavors. Obviously, I am all in for the fact that a lot of men, like many women, might love to be self-independent and so they work hard to achieve that stability in their respective careers. But what remains is that if any person wants to go and give something new a sincere try, the risk of losing all social credibility in his years of struggle should not become the barrier. Everyone deserves a chance if there are genuine intentions.

Summing it altogether, I gather that even the gender which is apparently the favored gender, under the prevalent societal setup of patriarchy, is grappling to live in peace and holistic environment for their dreams and aspirations, let alone the clearly disadvantaged groups (which, actually, are numerous!). 

Then why are we still keeping this flawed system intact? Are we, as a collective, not responsible for mending the ways which have been fractured since ages now? If the right to self-determine remains under threat constantly for the constituents of the society, isn't it an irony to the existence of the humankind as a whole? Should it really be important to achieve everything in life just to satisfy the set benchmark in the realm of society for each and every dimension of an individual's life?

Can we not be the harbingers of change that we wish to see?

"We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves : we have the power to imagine better."     - J K Rowling.