A Breath of Fresh Air!

Hello dear readers. Welcome to my blog. 

It's been sometime since I did a catch up with my instincts to pen my thoughts down (virtually)! :)

To be honest, I have been keeping very busy, juggling between studies, work, family and social life, all at once, each at the expense of another. 

Source : 123RF

As a young adult who has been yearning to do zillion things since time immemorial, the idea of being this engrossed day-in and day-out seemed to be quite fanciful. I finally am doing multiple things in a day which makes me look forward to each morning. I have a routine which is really engaging. Frankly, I think I have been my most productive version in the last few months, than I ever was. And this surely makes me overjoyed.

However, as all coins have two sides to them, so does this. Five months back, I was in for a journey, I knew little about, but was very excited to get in and know more of. Clearly, there have been fair share of bumpy rides in the middle of it all, emotionally as well as physically. What's more, I have lost out on my interest to make new friends or maintain the old ones as I have time for none. It is saddening on some days because as a person, I have always been warm and friendly, who loves to be around people and enjoy the merry, but maybe not anymore!

With each passing day, I kind of become more invested towards finding myself a peaceful, little world, that is filled with positivism and love. I am willing to let go of anything or anyone, however dear those/they have been to me for a long time, if, the cost of keeping it has to be paid with my peace of mind. A lot of people, over the years, have let me down. There have been illusions which were brutally broken. And now, more than ever, i want to rid myself of any impact they might have on me.

As a result, this incessantly intriguing part of my life is probably bringing me to terms with my real priorities. I have begun to acknowledge that as an individual, irrespective of what image people have of me, I have every right to choose what I really want to do with my life. I can choose to be a sweetheart to people on some days whereas choose to be inherently focused and self-centered on other days. In any case, it has to be me and my well-being that I should primarily be responsible for, before anything else. I can only give love, when I nurture it for myself first.

For the longest time, I have had this misconception that I will be acting in a blatantly selfish way if I care any less about everything. But, after all this introspection and mind-boggling times in past, I have understood that it is not really as complicated as it seemed to me. Rather, it is liberating to shed off the burden to please everyone which I did not voluntarily opt for in the first place. 

I am perpetually evolving into an individual, who is getting enriched with varied experiences with time. I am profoundly grateful for the self-dependence that I am slowly but surely building up for myself. And I vow to become a better version of myself, outgrowing my inhibitions, as I move forward in this journey. After all, it is indeed a pleasure to take a breath of fresh air!

Here, I would also like to mention one of my favorite quotes in the recent times -

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton.

Looking Ahead!

Hello readers. I am overjoyed to have you back here. If you haven't already read my previous blogs, kindly go through them before reading this one further. To be precise, this blog is the culmination of the foregoing discourse around the persistence of gender-based issues, as perceived by yours truly, over the last four blogs in this series.

Before diving in, I want to reaffirm that all the views expressed here are personal and I present it with a great sense of responsibility. Despite that, constructive criticisms and any additional dimensions from your end are more than welcome and so, do not hesitate to put it forth in the comments section.

"Where there is no hope, it is incumbent on us to find it" -     Albert Camus

Source : illustratelucy

To exist in a world which is free from any negative biases - where there is a mutual respect and inter-dependencies are celebrated, diversity is dignified but is not a marker of entitlements, there aren't any fixed dichotomies of weak/powerful, mobility from one situation to the other is purely based on the abilities of the individual and not what they look like or where do they fall in the gender binary, and tolerance as well as sensitivity towards the emotions of all the human beings equitably - among other things, is what remains as one of the most beautiful dreams. So, the question I bring forth today is - 'Could it become a reality any time soon?'

Though, looking around, reading newspapers and making simple conversations with people around me, it does not seem quite possible. But, there do exist certain silver linings, which hand me just what I need on tough days - glimmer of hope!

In my previous blogs, I have already discussed about the kind of changes we all must work upon to bring in the society as a whole. However, as is rightly said - 'it's the little things that count' and hence, we will pay attention to the 'little things' that me and you can incorporate into our lives on a day-to-day basis, thereby relentlessly contributing towards the manifestation of the 'ideal world'.

(Someone really special to me has, over the years, made me adapt to the twin concepts of 'idealism' and 'realism' in all the practical aspects of life and that is what I am going to apply here as well.)

Ideally, all the people, following the never-ending efforts put in by different schools of feminists, sociologists,  reformers, thinkers, field-workers and other well-meaning communities, must have by now, as a result, forfeited the discriminatory and derogatory practices regarding gender as it affects each and everyone. The linguistic normalization of a gender's dominance over others must have been fixed as of now. The behavioral attitudes should have been softened and sensitivised already. In fact, the change must have been bottom-up, meaning, starting from our homes percolating all the way in the society. 

Interestingly, in reality, however, that isn't the case. In the real world, the various issues still persist, even after decades of decentralized efforts in the direction of actualizing the sought after changes. This is because, despite the efforts, the change has been more of a 'lip service'. We advocate change, but we fail to adapt to it in the smallest of things, arguing that the change is first required in the overall situation. The debate is similar to 'Who came first? The hen or the egg?'. But, the need of the hour is to begin to act change! This must be known that the entire sociological fabric is so much more intricate than we assume it to be. And in this case, there can never be the euphoria of 100% accomplishment of the set goal. So, there is no point sitting and waiting.

All of us must start doing whatever is in our might. There are people who can influence minds with their rhetorical finesse. Such people must, therefore, spread the word as far as possible. There are others who might have a large social circle, they must try and modify their actions and words and inspire others to follow. Then there are people, who are not quite willing to be involved in the social realm,so such people can still work on their intra-personal way of life, cleansing thought-processes, treating themselves and their close ones rightly. Obviously, all this and a lot more could be done by a single person as well. There is no better way to enact change, if the intent and act are virtuous. And therefore, it will be wrong to judge others if they are doing things in a certain way which may not be the same as your preferred way. We need to support people who are driven with the same cause, instead of typecasting them for the path chosen.

To end the biases, we need to rise above what we have been conditioned for throughout our lives based upon the conventional mindsets. The easiest way is to question practices as well as everyday behaviors and replace them with what feels justified humanly and has a tinge of love and fraternity for all. If you are not sure about the right thing to be done, ask the other person what he/she would prefer. Of course, due deliberations must be done before concluding over the right way. But what is more important is that you listen consciously and respect other's emotions, devoid of any biases which might influence you to do otherwise. Empathy, respect, sensitivity and generosity should become an essential part of your thought-process. 

To conclude, we need to understand that even though the entire world may not change as quickly as you might like, but you can take control of your own world, so do it wisely!   

"If people can learn to hate they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than it's opposite."     - Nelson Mandela.

Be the Change!

"Oh it's pink..that means it's for the girls..why didn't you get me something blue?..I am a boy!!"

Source : everypixel.com

This is what my 3-year old nephew told me the other day. This sheer understanding of division of colors on the basis of gender in a child who is still so young and has not been much exposed into the public domain yet, perplexed me to the core. Undeniably, in the world of grown-ups, there are innumerable bifurcations in things as petty as the handkerchiefs, wherein you get 2 different types on the basis of your gender, but to have such distinctions appear in young and impressionable minds clearly elucidates the heights of it's normalization in our society.

Put more simply, from the very conception of our lives, we are incessantly socialized into being masculine/feminine respectively on the basis of our gender, by each and every factor influencing our life, including institutions like family, religion, schools and therefore the society at large. From the beginning of life, the kind of toys and games played by children are segregated along the lines of their assigned gender. The type of clothes worn, the behaviors and the fields of excellence are all classified according to the gender, among other aspects. There is no two-way about that it is all based on the sociological concepts of gender roles. 

Although, it is true that there do exist certain biological differences in the physiology of human beings on the basis of the sex they are born with, which may instill specific characteristics into the personalities of people, distinguishing them from the other group of people. However, such differences must be seen just like the many other factors which determine our respective individual identities. In no way does these characteristics, and for that matter, any characteristics given by birth, can provide people the leeway to behave disrespectfully to the other person.

Consequently, the society must come together to rework on the set paradigms about the gender and it's associated roles, rights, responsibilities, expectations and the way of life.

First and the foremost, the language that we use should be consciously adapted to be gender inclusive and it must be taught to everyone, specially the younger generations, so that there is considerable reduction in the normalization of one gender's dominance over the rest. We need to incorporate the understanding that every human, irrespective of the gender, must garner equitable respect and dignity. Furthermore, the abusive language, which mostly tends to refer to sexualizing and violating the sanctity of women and the third gender must be forfeited by each and every constituent of the society. Such terms and acts essentially reinforce the hegemony of males over everybody else, reducing others as simply the objectified and sexualized beings. This really needs to stop as there is absolutely so much more to an individual's identity than his/her sexuality.

Moreover, the seclusion in everything, from clothes to lifestyles, on the basis of the gender, is very disturbing. So many young children, as a result, grow up and become overtly distant as well as develop a sense of being 'othered' from the people with a gender different from their own because of this over-segregation of every aspect on the basis of the genders. Eventually, many people fail at developing meaningful relationships with the people belonging to other genders as there is a total lack of understanding, mutual respect, sensitivity and emotions for them. This is definitely not desirable and can impede one's self-worth, ability to develop relationships and may often cause isolation and loneliness for such people. Therefore, it is only wise to willingly re-calibrate the echelons of society, making space and acceptance for all sorts of varieties, without typecasting and kindling feelings of hatred and inferiority/superiority for the other. 

Practically, it is now high time for us to see through the prism of equity in all the realms of life and introduce or encourage practices which promote gender sensitive behaviour. 

After all, how will we reach our true potential as an individual as well as a community, if we do not let everyone live and explore their share of life without inhibitions?

We all need to accept that change is inevitable and hence change must be adapted to live a fulfilling life.

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it." - Rick Warren.

What next though?

 "Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is call whining." - Theodore Roosevelt.

Source : istockphoto.com

It is true that there exist many issues which have been continuously nagging generations after generations. To look in the fine lines, almost all sections of humanity have something that is unwanted or unjust, which they seek to get rid of as soon as possible. Similar parallels can be drawn while talking about gender stereotypes, biases and discrimination. 

There are plenty of stories abuzz around each one of us which inflict revulsion in our minds about the realities of our sociological surroundings. For anybody who thinks and analyzes things in detail, it becomes imperative to try and inform others about the repercussions such actions are causing and more often than not, they end up seemingly complaining about all the things, all the time!

Undoubtedly, to be always complaining can lead to the inference that this person is pathetically ingrate. But, in my opinion, to talk and comprehend a problem is the first stepping stone towards the long journey of finding a realistic solution. And so, to complain, albeit in moderation and responsibly, is a characteristic of great minds, provided the intent includes to strive to find certain solutions and is not just limited to being a whiner!

Drawing from this, here we are, after having discussed some (among many) persistent issues in the realm of gender perceptions in the patriarchal society, specifically in India. We have discussed how the world that we have inherited and have been living in all this while has negatively impacted our self-image and our possibilities because of the established norms. There is no dearth of limitations being imposed on people owing to be in consonance with the requirements of being a constituent of this social fabric that has been knitted around each one of us. But, it's us who make it what it is and so, in no way, can the responsibility of it all be shifted to anybody but ourselves. If we are the ones who believe that it is not justified to be bound by stereotypical norms, then it must be US, who contribute towards articulating an equitable world for you, me and everyone else!

Not only are we a part of the generation that has witnessed the dawn of 21st century, which brought with itself the boom of technology and it's many innovations percolating in the lives of the common man, but we are also the generation who have been born and brought up in the least influence of colonial subservient attitude that has been there among Indians since past few centuries. Of course, there has been an incessant emphasis on the attainment of freedom, but sadly, the efforts directed towards individual freedoms could not synthesize something as significant as needed. 

Now that we as a society are absolutely in the transitional phase of adapting to several new things like the increasing ingress of technology in our day-to-day lives, the surging no. of youthful population in India, changing outlook towards the emerging ways of wealth generation and so on; it is a great opportunity to transmute the sociological ideals in such a way that the emanating values and ethics do justice to the communities, removing the unjust behaviors towards anyone based on prejudices, and grant the individuals the right to self-determine in true sense. Amalgamation  of such ideals into one's way of life is the aim that we all must work towards, untiringly.

But the question is - how do we do this? 

How can we work towards creating a better and equitable world? Where should we start from? Are we equipped enough to walk on this path? Even if we intend to do something good, how can we make sure that the resultant outcome would be what we want it to be? 

Not all MEN!

Welcome back readers!

This is my second blog and I am already feeling the kind of responsibility that must be dealt with when one attempts to express personal views which are open for anyone and everyone to read.

I want it to be known, loud and clear, that though as a personal experience I find myself caught in the muddle of patriarchal setup because I am a woman, despite that, my criticism pertains to the set mindset and not a specific gender. This is because I completely acknowledge that the scales of balance aren't justifyingly tilted to any particular gender. As the deficiency is problematic, so is the excess!

Source : PNGitem

Since the very conception of the idea what patriarchy means and how it stifles my life in ways more than one, I have simultaneously believed that it is not just the females who are on the receiving end. Even the males have been troubled with the excessive expectations.

It must be noted that this blog in no way suggests or undermines the existence of gender multiplicity, and the reference to males is for everyone who might identify themselves as one. The prime objective here is to clearly call out the hardships inflicted in any way on people - emotionally, financially, psychologically or otherwise - because they are identified as being a "man" in the current sociological setup.

Now, talking about men, in my life, I have come across number of men as part of my family, friends, classmates, colleagues or basically the social circle I have grown up into. All that I mention here has been drawn as an inference from such interactions. The kind of primary traits that they possess have been quite diverse, to say the least. As an individual, there is so much more to them than the simple sociological descriptive words associated to men like - capable, athletic, scientific-tempered, breadwinner, phlegmatic and so on under the ambit of patriarchal understanding of a man.

It is true that generally the society instills a sense of being a "man" in a child so early on that the child is snatched away from his right to self-determine how he wants to be as a "man". "Boys don't cry!", "Be man enough!", "Are you even a man if you cry?", "Stop being a girl!" are some examples of the phrases we come across almost on a daily basis without paying attention to the fact that these comments are building a sense of anxiety in the person regarding his basic human instinct - to feel. Somehow, the narrative is that the responsibility to nurture emotions is on females and to keep the other aspects in check are the tasks of a male and the two must not entangle. There is a total absence of the understanding that the masculinity and femininity can exist in variable proportions within a single human body and in no way will it undermine the gender identity of that person, whatsoever.

Of course, there are some men who are quite consumed in their inherently masculine existence and the perks of being one in a patriarchal setup, that they don't find anything wrong in pushing others to be "more manly". In their vicinity, they work to re-establish the fading orthodox distinctions in the duties of people which are defined based on their gender under patriarchy. In fact, such men are the reasons why a lot of hate gets vented towards the male community from the deprived sections of the society.

But, it is unfair to over-generalize that all men are the same. I have known men who are really sensitive, who understand other's needs, who enjoy being carefree and friendly, who have ample of emotions brimming but who are forced to keep a mask-up of male chauvinism and present a strong front before everyone just so as to preserve their social image of a MAN. 

To quote a recent example, there was a healthy discussion going on among my peers regarding prevalence of dowry despite it being a social evil, to which a man responded that though he accepts that the demand for dowry isn't ethical, he might still take it because otherwise the society would assume that something is messed up in him or he lacks some basic attribute of manliness as perceived in the society!

There are endless issues that crop up in the society because of this flawed mindset. 

It is a well-observed fact that most men are expected to build a proper career as they must be the providers of the family, irrespective of the situation where their partners or other caregivers might be able to take care of the financial needs and provide the leeway to them to follow their own creative endeavors. Obviously, I am all in for the fact that a lot of men, like many women, might love to be self-independent and so they work hard to achieve that stability in their respective careers. But what remains is that if any person wants to go and give something new a sincere try, the risk of losing all social credibility in his years of struggle should not become the barrier. Everyone deserves a chance if there are genuine intentions.

Summing it altogether, I gather that even the gender which is apparently the favored gender, under the prevalent societal setup of patriarchy, is grappling to live in peace and holistic environment for their dreams and aspirations, let alone the clearly disadvantaged groups (which, actually, are numerous!). 

Then why are we still keeping this flawed system intact? Are we, as a collective, not responsible for mending the ways which have been fractured since ages now? If the right to self-determine remains under threat constantly for the constituents of the society, isn't it an irony to the existence of the humankind as a whole? Should it really be important to achieve everything in life just to satisfy the set benchmark in the realm of society for each and every dimension of an individual's life?

Can we not be the harbingers of change that we wish to see?

"We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves : we have the power to imagine better."     - J K Rowling.

 

But what if I do not wish to?

Blank canvases always bring with them the free rein to create something unbridled and that basically sums up the reason behind my twitchiness coupled with exuberance while I am attempting to write my first blog. I, therefore, will be grateful for all the valuable insights, suggestions or constructive criticism that the readers of this blog may entail and request you to share them with me in the comments section.

Source : NicePNG

To begin with, it has always been of utmost importance for the society to maintain an orderly behaviour in which it's constituents function, so as to be a " civilized society ". There have been certain ways in which the life of the individuals of the community have been regulated. Numerous social constructs like class, caste, race, ethnicity, gender and other biases have had a role to play. If we look at the multi-cultural structure of the southeast Asian nations like India, it is common knowledge that varied social constructs make up the complex individual identities of the natives of these societies. 

With this in the backdrop, questioning some naturalized yet offending practices becomes pertinent in order to develop an understanding of the expectations and stereotypes attached to the individuals who might belong to different communities. For the sake of convenience of writing, this blog's scope will be restricted to the context of Indian young women (aged 15 to 25 years). 

Though, there is a lot of hue and cry regarding women empowerment and gender equality in all the possible walks of life for last few decades, how far have we actually been able to realize these ideals in reality? What are the basics (from the perspective of a woman who is currently hustling in the said situational setup) that still remain unmet?

In a quest to find answers to these questions, I would like to reflect upon some of my personal experiences in the recent years. But before that, let me give you a brief introduction about myself so as to provide a clear inference for my readers.

I am a 24-year old woman who has lived independently for eight years, and probably, these years have pushed me to evolve as an individual that I am today- incessantly inclined towards ideals of justice, liberty and peaceful co-existence for all. It is relevant to mention here that during my early days, however, I was not even 50% the same person that I am today. In fact, I was really ignorant of wrongdoings happening around me, I never raised my voice even if someone would offend me, be it friends, family or even strangers! There is no doubt that I am proud of myself for whatever I have endured (things seemed impossibly tough each time!) and still managed to gather myself every single time, but, nonetheless, I really wish that there was some respite from the incidents that were completely based in societal pressures and had no moral grounds, whatsoever. 

Now, bringing our attention back to the main topic here, let's dive into the ground realities of women empowerment and gender equality agendas, as perceived by me. Undoubtedly, quite a many initiatives have been taken up in the realm of policy making on all the levels - local to global. In some places, aware citizenry has taken up praiseworthy initiatives, showing the way to constructively make these agendas the reality of the day. Various resources can be utilized to find detailed information regarding such initiatives, if one is interested. Anyhow, the functional realities are not yet up to the mark. 

An Indian woman of 21st century has the liberty to go out and make a living, provided she maintains the sanctity of being a typical woman. She is required to still take decisions based on the preferences of her male counterparts. The docile behaviour remains a sought after aspect in a woman throughout echelons of society. A general notion pervasive in traditional families of Indian landscape concur that getting married and starting a family in her 20s is a necessary step to be a successful woman, no matter what be her professional qualifications and achievements. In addition to this, there is a certain (mostly unsaid, but duly followed) dressing sense that must be complied by the women if they wish to refrain from becoming the hush-hush talk of the town or not be called out in the public. 

Of course, today, we see that many women are leading by example in their own ways, paving a less treaded path for a lot of us. They make sure that the objectives they have ascertained for themselves are achieved, irrespective of whether they conform to the stereotypical expectations of themselves or not. But, it is a difficult road to walk upon, to say the least. Any institution, be it families, schools, colleges or workplaces, still have an inbuilt patriarchal force which shows despite the conscious efforts made to promote inclusivity. On a day-to-day basis, women are subjected to unpleasant comments, uncomfortable requests and unfair treatments. Something as basic as menstruation still remains a secret of the females of the group, which must not be made apparent to others.

Although, all of this and a lot more has been instilled as a regular occurring in my intuition by my own experiences. But, regardless of that, as a grown up woman today, I can no longer stand the frustration these nuances spark in me. I understand that I cannot change people's perceptions if they are not willing to listen. Neither can I set out to be a rebel for everything because I eternally value my mental health. Definitely, I need to be smart enough to choose the battles that I am willing to fight.

But, what if my patience is running out every-time i hear someone objectifying women as an expression of humor? What if I no longer want to do the balancing acts that I have been doing throughout my life just to keep in line with the social pressures? What if I am unlearning to keep mum over issues that affect me or my peace of mind? What if my understanding of a women's capabilities, rights as well as duties are not segregated because of her gender? What if I no longer want to bear the brunt of someone else's insecurities? What if I do not wish to be confined in the shackles of my perceived identity as a woman?

“ Find your identity, your true self and live your mission. Your power is your radical self. Find it.”  - Aya Chebbi